Start with the Give-Me Shots is Launched, and Its Reflections Can Help You Get Honest
By Marney Andes
Start with the Give-Me Shots officially launched today. Instead of speaking about the work, my efforts, and my hopes, I’ll do what’s most natural: tell a story.
I find over and over again in the workplace that people have a really tough time being honest. I don’t know where it stems from, but I remember my dad teaching me this from the start, though I struggled to embody it for the longest time. He taught me that sometimes it’s hard to be honest, but that you never have to go back and reinvent yourself, remind yourself to lie, or gloss over what you really, really want in life. By telling everything straight, everybody can move forward, including yourself.
Now, it took me a while for the little voice in my head to reconfigure. At first, she said things like, “Just lie. You’ll make the other person feel bad, and you’ll definitely be embarrassed if you bring something like that up,” and at times, she was really convincing.
But with more and more self-reflection, I started to realize that honesty was the engine that let the rest of my homegrown lessons drive. As soon as I chose to implement this lesson into my daily life, I changed Little Voice’s dialogue. Now, she says things like, “C’mon Marney, just tell the truth. You know it’s better for everyone, including you.
One of the most memorable ways this showed up was about ten years ago when I was asked to start with a new company. I was new to corporate America, but confident that with the right moves, I was able to make a great first impression. There was only one problem: The Booger of Truth.
Homegrown Mini-Lesson: The Booger of Truth
I’d just had a huge change in my career, and this new job was a chance for me to uncover where this organization needed growth and development. I’d met most of the executives during my first few days in office, but I had yet to meet the president.
Still getting my bearings after nearly a week of the new job, I was set with a meeting with him that day where I could formally introduce myself.
Around noon, I headed down the hall, nervous but determined to get a perfect first impression to hit it out of the ballpark with this guy. His door was nearly open, but I lightly tapped on it to acknowledge my presence. He quickly looked up from his computer, grinned, and gestured for me to come in and sit down.
Quietly, I sat down. After adjusting my watch, I looked up. That’s when I saw it. Something was hanging from his nose. Oh, no, Little Voice said.
She hesitated for a second and started speaking as if she was from ten years ago.
This is the president of the company! she exclaimed. AND the first time you’re meeting him. No way the first words you say to him are talking about the junk that's in his nose!
After what felt like five hours debating back and forth with Little Voice, I gestured wryly towards my nose.
“You have something right here,” I said, continuing, “and I would hate for us to go through the whole conversation without me telling you.”
“Oh, no.” He said as I held my breath. Great. Little Voice mocked. Now you’ve embarrassed him and the relationship you could’ve had is never going to be the same. Good going, Marn.
He leaned back and shook his head, “I always have something hanging from my nose.” Randomly trying to wipe it away, he presented me with his face.
“Good?”
I chuckled while shaking my head no, and watched him excuse himself and walk over to the restroom. A couple of minutes later, he returned, sat down, and we both shared one more big laugh about it.
Now, guess what happened after that? No, nothing exploded. We moved on. I realized that he was the coolest, most laid-back guy that I’d ever thought I'd get to work with.
See, The Booger of Truth didn’t just show him that I have strong attention to facial detail. It showed him that I was the person who’d tell him the hard stuff. That I was going to be straightforward when offered challenges and ideas, even if it made the conversation a little uncomfortable.
This was a small, but challenging moment that I actively decided to be honest in. But the thing is, the moment wasn’t really that small at all, because it'd demonstrated to one of the executives in our company how I’d act in bigger-picture scenarios. For many, these instances are far too difficult to execute. They’d rather suppress the truth so they wouldn’t have to face feelings of embarrassment or hurt, and let's face it, who can blame them?
But waving our hands at problems instead of addressing them doesn’t allow us to connect. If the president and I hadn't had that shared experience, I don’t know if our relationship would be as easy as it is today. Looking back on it, I laugh not only at the story, but at how seriously I'd taken it, and how much I’d wrestled with Little Voice for telling me to keep my mouth shut.
The connection we crave so deeply to others requires honestly not only with them but with ourselves. It’s the only way we’re able to have those full, deep, and true interactions that bring us the enlightenment we need to move forward and achieve greatness.
How This All Ties Together
It took me years to realize that honesty was the solution and grounds for everything I did. Instead, I’d look to other things to find happiness. A new outfit. The “dream” job. The “perfect” partner. But looking into myself and being honest with what I wanted was ultimately the root of what changed a lot of aspects of my life.
I had to accept that I’d find love after my divorce before I could let down my guard. I had to be honest and straightforward with myself that I loved public speaking so I could start getting hired as a professional speaker. And most appropriately for today, I had to realize that I wanted to write a book before I could start uncovering the content.
In my book, you’ll find stories similar to this, each correlating with a homegrown lesson and reflection questions at the end. I created these because I believe that with daily reflection comes honesty. With daily reflection, you’d see that your career isn’t everything. With daily reflection, you’d realize that your divorce doesn’t define your worthiness as a partner. And with daily reflection, you’d realize that you’ve been ignoring your passion for writing, speaking, and creating communities.
The eight lessons and eight reflections in Start with the Give-Me Shots are all centered around actionable steps towards clarity. They aid in breaking the cycle of waiting for that Big Extravagant Something to save you, whether it be the career, the man, or the house, that ultimately falls short every time and leaves you still yearning for more.
Like many authors, I had very particular people in mind when writing this book. The co-workers, friends, and family members who I thought of throughout the process of crafting my lessons have all shared similar challenges, hardships, and experiences as myself.
Though I wrote this as a navigational guidebook I’d wish I had when I was younger, it goes further than that, for those at any age, who’ve experienced never-ending cycles as a result of a lack of honesty within themselves. The audience for my book doesn’t have a gender or age limit; it’s for those who share the common problem of being stuck in the hamster wheel, unsure of where to turn because they haven’t taken the time to have daily, honest reflections of their lives. So, here’s who my book is for:
My book’s for the ones getting swallowed up by work, chasing a career they don’t even know they want, spending hours upon hours overworking themselves, adamantly forcing their perfectionist minds into the unattainable abyss while simultaneously clouding their innate passions.
It’s for the go-getters, who think that as long as they keep going, they’ll keep getting. Who could probably work half as much and still produce a stellar product, but somehow got convinced along the way that their overworked efforts would magically disappear as time went on (Hint: it doesn’t).
It’s for those who struggle to choose honesty because they fear judgment, alienation, confusion, embarrassment, and discomfort. For those who had a bad experience, but blamed it on their truth-telling instead of the fuller issue at-hand.
The ones who need to find what brings them joy and go towards it, instead of away from it. Who don’t realize that now’s the time, even if it’s messy, to get clear on exactly what they want.
The reflections are the first stepping stone to hone in on what you want, starting today. I’d love to see that for you and to give you your very own opportunity at a Booger of Truth of your own. :)