Know When To Say When for Your Mental Health

Naomi Osaka. If you didn’t know her name before, you certainly do now. Last week she pulled out of the prestigious French Open for mental health reasons, prompted by her skipping media interviews and a $15,000 fine by the Grand Slam Organization because she did so. Hearing about this and reading updates as they rolled in, I went to two connected places: mental health and leadership – in and out of the public eye.  

Beliefs around mental health

First, I have talked very openly about my beliefs around mental health. It is reflected in my recent job choices and my leadership in these positions, the future I want for my children, and my volunteerism as a board member of the University of Denver’s Graduate School of Professional Psychology. My hope, the goal that I work toward, is for a world that treats the whole health of people as an essential need, mental as much as physical – and that we normalize these conversations. If Ms. Osaka had said, “I have a sprained ankle and need to sit out of the tournament,” or “I have laryngitis and need to skip the interviews,” we all would have nodded our heads in understanding. Instead, she shared that she has "suffered long bouts of depression since the US Open in 2018 and I have had a really hard time coping with that.” Wow. Who takes such a risk by admitting this to the public, while being ranked No. 1 by the Women's Tennis Association and as the first Asian player to hold the top ranking in singles? Who shows that level of leadership as a four-time Grand Slam singles champion, and while being the reigning champion at the US Open and the Australian Open, and as the first woman to win successive Grand Slam singles titles since Serena Williams in 2015? Yes, Ms. Osaka did it on a world stage. Here’s to her leadership and courage for taking a break for her mental health – for redefining mental health by taking care of herself, putting up boundaries, healing, regrouping, whatever she needs. Performing at our best doesn’t mean we have to forfeit our happiness, right?  

Pressure on public figures and athletes

As we have all seen the public outpouring of support for Ms. Osaka, we have also witnessed a lot of criticism. Why? Because we hold super athletes and others in the public eye to be super humans – able to respond to anything, share when they don’t feel up to it, and deal with intense emotions and life issues with all of us watching. It’s an expectation and has been for decades – and has only intensified with social media. And I’m not sure we realize the pressure we put on public figures and athletes. We have visions of them always being at the top of their game, playing at a high intensity, and winning. But they are people, just like us. The pressure of doing all of this and handling the media and being on social media and being in public doesn’t become acceptable just because they make a lot of money (because I hear this argument all the time). “She makes this for each endorsement, she needs to suck it up.” Does she? Is that what you tell others in your personal or professional lives? Or maybe that’s what you tell yourself? It makes me wonder if we respond to others in the same way we respond to ourselves when we feel vulnerable, tired, or have anxiety or depression. But wouldn’t you want someone to show you more compassion than criticism? 

And the leadership in the public realm we have seen in response? Two very different approaches.  

For the World Tennis Association and other elite sports organizations, the situation is a great opportunity for the system and its leadership to take a hard look at itself and see where it may need to change. While Ms. Osaka is at an athletic level and public figure level most of us will never be able to fully understand and empathize with, the struggle with depression makes her like so many of us. I’m concerned that if we aren’t really recognizing it at this highly publicized level and being supportive, rather than fining and punishing, then what chance do the rest of us outside the public eye have in voicing when we’ve had enough? How about relating this to having to take a mental health day from work? When it becomes too much, when emails never stop, when attending back-to-back meetings is common expectations and doing your actual work on the weekend (since you have no time during the week to finish it) is the norm. And similar to the highly paid athlete, we also demand our highly paid leaders to withstand the same. “That’s why you get paid the big bucks,” which means we expect you to take it until you get paid out, burnt out, or leave. Who among us really believes this is healthy? We must normalize the need to take time, get the help we need, and for others to be supportive of it – as leaders, as individuals, as humans.  

The second leadership response? CALM, the company behind the popular meditation and mindfulness app, announced they will pay the fine for any player who plans on opting out of media appearances for mental health reasons during this year’s Grand Slam. The company also ‘matched’ the fine with a $15,000 donation to French youth sports charity Laureus, a global organization that works to support the mental health of young people and children through sport. Nike, with whom Ms. Osaka has a sponsorship deal (worth millions), also stood by her, saying “We support her and recognize her courage in sharing her own mental health experience." That’s redefining mental health and showing leadership. Shouldn’t that be who we all aspire to be? 

My own experience with the media

I also believe how we treat each other – our humanity – should be expressed inside the workplace as well as outside. On the court, as well as off. I had a pretty intense experience as a younger athlete that feels related. While in high school, when getting a lot of attention from our local papers and television stations, someone from the community submitted an anonymous complaint to the paper, which was published, stating (and I’m paraphrasing) “that there were other players on the team, and they should also get attention.” My parents read it, I read it, and most of the community read it. (That’s what happens in small towns, especially – except no one needs to log into social media, it spreads in person and quickly.) And I remember going to practice and wondering whose parents wrote it. The mystery as well as the apparent disappointment or disagreement with how the paper was or wasn’t highlighting everyone was suddenly an undercurrent at practice and school. I could feel it, and as a super competitive athlete and an introvert, it was hard on me. So, after the next game, when once again, the paper wanted to interview me, I declined. I didn’t want any more attention or distraction. I mostly wanted to play my best and win. The whole season was about winning a state championship, and if I needed to give up being spotlighted in the paper to do that, then that’s what I was going to do. So, I did. I didn’t do an interview for the remaining part of the season – my last season, my senior season.   

Now, I’m not saying my experience is the same as Ms. Osaka’s – I was not on a world stage, I was not a world-class athlete, I am not a woman of color. That’s not the point. You see, we all have similar experiences and in our own ways. We have pressures, challenges, anxieties, and sometimes depression. But when someone in a leadership position stands up and says “stop,” and shows their vulnerability and their humanness, it gives the rest of us permission, too – to be a leader, to give ourselves a break, to ask for a break – and to further normalize these stoppages and boundaries for everyone else who doesn’t yet have the voice to do so.  

Spread the love

So, what does all of this suggest? For you to take the time when you need it, which means it’s okay to say “no.” No apologies, no excuses needed. Just do it. Then surround yourself with what feeds you – nature, friends, a quiet walk, music, or simply escaping the crowd and the constant noise. Engage someone to help you navigate these times, such as a psychologist or life coach. They are trained to key in on what is happening, and they have the tools to help you navigate when you need help. And, finally, we all need to be ‘leaders’ in mental health – for ourselves, our colleagues, our friends and family, for humanity. Reach out, listen, give permission to someone who needs one of those mental health days. Stop the judgment and show support. Spread that goodwill and compassion like candy being thrown at a parade...and remember to pick up a few pieces for yourself.