What’s in a Pronoun? Belonging.
As Pride Month comes to a close, I wanted to send up a flare about pronouns. Yep, pronouns. They’ve been getting more attention lately, and since this is a topic I care about greatly – as a cisgender woman, a Mom, and a leader in the HR/Talent/Inclusion sphere – here are some thoughts.
First, for our kids and for their mental health.
As I sat at a baseball game recently, I overheard a dad talking about how people are talking a lot more about their ‘pronouns.’ This dad was discussing how he was considering giving his son the pronouns ‘she/her’ to get reduced car insurance rates.
Huh?
Yes, that may seem innocent, or maybe the dad was uncomfortable with the discussion – but our kids, our workplaces, our society are navigating this and it’s important how we do so.
Why?
Because each of us should have pronouns that affirm who we are, tell others our preference, and help us feel ‘seen’ – especially for individuals whose pronouns are different from how they ‘look’ on the outside. And just as our pronouns hold meaning for us in who we are, so do our preferred names. Think of nicknames as an example.
“Do you prefer to be called Elizabeth or something else?”
“Liz, please. Thank you for asking.”
Or possibly someone’s preferred name is different from their birth name. For instance, what if Frank identifies with being named Mary, and prefers people call him this? Answer: Then you should address (insert preferred pronoun here) as Mary. It’s how the person sees themselves, part of their identity. And in a world where we all want to be seen for who we are, that support and affirmation is critical. It’s a statement and it’s a request that doesn’t require someone to give a long explanation of how they are navigating their gender identity. And it can actually make their lives a little easier, even if it seems to be an inconvenience for those who use pronouns aligned with their birth sex or presumed gender.
Moreover, this ‘affirmation’ can help reduce the incidence of mental health issues, including suicide among our LGBTQ and non-binary kids and teens. A national survey (2020) from The Trevor Project confirms that “youth who reported having their pronouns respected by all or most of the people in their lives attempted suicide at half the rate of those who did not have their pronouns respected.” If we care about the success and well-being of our children and teens, the future leaders in our world, I think we can learn how to use everyone’s preferred pronouns and names – and have respectful conversations around how this helps build greater understanding for all of us.
Secondly, for the health and productivity of our workplaces and employees.
If everyone uses their preferred pronouns it helps ‘normalize’ conversations about and around gender. This makes it easier on everyone, since it means we are taking steps to make gender and identity less of an everyday conversation and more of a ‘mainstream’ understanding. Does that make some people uncomfortable? Yes, because for as long as any of us can remember, we have used pronouns that correlate to someone’s birth sex – two categories understood and used by everyone. Easy, right? Yes, for those of us who feel comfortable with our ‘assigned’ sex and associated pronouns. For those who don’t, the daily interactions can be challenging, distracting – and even quite exhausting. But by using preferred pronouns and names, we can help build a more inclusive community where we are not only welcoming everyone, we are doing so with a greater consciousness of who we all are.
I say go ahead and use your preferred pronouns and those of your coworkers. (If you need some guidance, see the tips and resources below.) Doing so can bolster your workplace’s inclusiveness, diversity, and robustness by making all voices heard. It can also enhance your recruitment of stellar candidates, while keeping great employees at your company. Plus, you might even experience increased morale and a stronger sense of belonging – for everyone. And this growth of our workplaces? It can bring about ‘true’ communities where people feel safe. Safe to share, safe to be themselves, and safe to belong – and this allows all of us to have more compassionate conversations and bring more humanity into our workplaces.
So, here’s to Pride Month, a time dedicated to celebrating the freedom of being ourselves. And to pronouns, a way to support affirmation, dignity, and increased visibility. Imagine the power that comes from respecting someone for who they are and how they want to be seen? Their authentic selves. The contributions to society, our communities, and workplaces? Profound.
Here are a few tips...
Start conversations by saying your name and using your pronouns. This invites others to do the same and reduces levels of awkwardness.
Don’t ask why someone is using different pronouns. Instead, do some homework by exploring the resources listed here, online, or from your company’s Inclusion and Belonging office.
Extend the invitation for others to use their preferred pronouns by simply asking “how would you like to be addressed?” This kind of exchange is shown in Indeed’s latest commercial. It’s pointed, kind, and powerful.