More questions, less opinions

Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. ~ Steve Jobs

I remember the first time someone’s opinion had a strong influence over me. I was a junior at the University of Nebraska sitting in the front row of one of my journalism classes. I sat listening to my professor (who was also my advisor) speak about the outlook of journalism and how some students may have obstacles to overcome when pursuing the art. She turned toward me and said, “Take Marney for example. Her voice will be her biggest obstacle, not having a strong broadcast voice. I believe nasally voices present one of the biggest challenges for future broadcasters.” 

Wait. What? 

My voice. One of the critical components to a thriving broadcast journalism career was going to be my biggest obstacle? Limited life experiences or beginning creative writing skills weren’t going to the walls I’d have to climb over; my less than ideal voice was going to be my biggest obstacle to a career that was based on talking and communicating. 

I had participated and had success in speech and drama in high school, winning conference awards of “Best Actress” and winning the state speech contest both my junior and senior years. No one had ever mentioned the challenge of my voice and how it would impede my future career. But this person did. 

Accepting my state speech championship medal in 1992.

I was in the second half of completing my degree in broadcast journalism and becoming the next Diane Sawyer (as I dreamt in my head) and like that, my professor and person who was in the position to advise me on career direction, told me I wasn’t good enough. 

Her comment was so influential, it replayed over and over in my head. Before the end of the semester, I changed my major. I couldn’t imagine a scenario where I continued down a path that wasn’t meant for me. 

Some thoughts that have struck me when I reflect on this situation:

• Why did I allow one person's opinion to have so much influence over me?

• How did this particular event become the turning point for me in changing direction for my future career? I could chalk it up to immaturity. Low self-esteem. Not having built the strength to see through one person’s opinion. But it was influential nonetheless. I know now that it was only her opinion, whether or not the opinion had any validity. 

• What else may have led up to this point in time and pushed me over the edge?

• Why did her opinion matter so much?

I could chalk it up to immaturity. Low self-esteem. Not having built the strength to see through one person’s opinion. But it was influential nonetheless. I know now that it was only her opinion. Whether the opinion had any validity or not. 

We share our opinions and we listen to opinions. We internalize them and decide what to do with them. We let opinions build us up or beat us up. 

What if we asked more questions, as the person listening to ideas but also as the person sharing ideas? What if I had asked questions of my professor rather than letting her state her opinion and simply go on about her lecture for an hour? What if I had asked questions like, “What other details can you provide? How have others overcome that challenge? What do you suggest I do to move forward and have a thriving career?” 

What if she had asked the question to the class rather than calling me out? What if she had asked us all, “What characteristics are important to a successful broadcasting career? What challenges are you experiencing as you pursue this profession? What would you like to practice more or work on this semester specifically? What do you feel really confident about and would be willing to share or coach others?” Engage the entire class to think about their unique challenges and then invite each other to pair up to share strengths and support one another. 

Perhaps it’s easy for me to look back and recraft this situation in a really simple way, but I believe it could’ve been that easy. 

We share opinions all the time, sometimes without any thought for how our opinions may be influencing others. But that is, in fact, the point of this article.

Why do we feel so compelled to share our opinions rather than spending our time asking questions and seeking to learn more from each other? Asking questions still fosters an environment where opinions will be shared but it allows for information seeking and understanding the “why” someone thinks or feels the way they do.

Here’s an example that I recently experienced at work. While discussing a situation with two of my colleagues, it was stated that the way in which a person, a person from another department had handled a situation, was not ideal. “They shouldn’t have done that. That didn’t help the situation.” There were a lot of opinions shared and I was just as guilty as my colleagues sharing opinions of what had taken place. But then my colleague paused and said, “Rather than continue to talk about the situation and what we each think about it, let’s talk more about why it happened.” She continued, “Why would they do that?” Which prompted my other colleague to ask, “Exactly. What about the situation affected the person in a way to behave this way?” Our conversation quickly went from voicing our opinions (and not getting any closer to resolution) to one of information seeking, trying to understand, and creating a plan for how we would handle it. 

When our role is to help resolve or guide a situation, our opinions don’t provide much help. But asking questions and seeking to understand, helps us think through and engage more proactively to support similar instances in the future. 

More questions, less opinions.

Think about a recent conversation with a person or group. 

• How would more questions and less opinions add value to the conversation?

• What questions would help to better understand others' points of view?

• How would this approach help you with your personal relationships? 

• How would this approach help you at work?

Even though I didn’t pursue broadcast journalism it’s surprising how much speaking has been part of my career. Speaking to large audiences, recording videos to promote organizations I support, guest appearances on podcasts, and more. Despite one person’s opinion that my voice didn’t sound the way she believed it needed to, I’ve used my voice and it’s served me well. 

A quasi good ending to something that could’ve hampered me my entire life. 

But don’t forget, it hit me hard and steered me in a different direction nonetheless, when maybe I was meant to pursue a career in broadcasting. That’s how powerful opinions can be.

Opinions can have a huge influence on all of us. Everyday you’re faced with multiple opinions from marketers, influencers, co-workers, family, friends, and more, including mine in this article. But rather than take the opinions outright, test them, and ask more questions about them. Try it this week. More questions, less opinions.

How can asking more questions and sharing less opinions help you? How could it help others?

We also went on to win the overall state championship trophy that year (pictured with my Wallace Nebraska high school speech team)